I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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