I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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