I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
