great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
