tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
