Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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