Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
