chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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