I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My hand turned me down
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
