just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
