If i could tip my vagina, i would.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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