Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
