Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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