Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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