I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
