True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize