Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We had sex on a dog bed..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize