You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
