Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
