to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Mom said you looked used
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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