You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
