why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
