tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
