ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize