I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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