Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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