Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
