When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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