I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
