My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
