How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
