You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
