last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
