I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
