I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
