I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
