I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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