actually, I'm a sock model
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
