You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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