I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wear drunk well.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
