Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
