I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
