You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
