The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
