it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
