I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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