The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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