I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
