My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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