At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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