And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
