Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
