I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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