I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize