I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
