it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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