He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
