My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
