I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
