with your own penis?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
