She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
