he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
