i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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