I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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