Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
